“All those things you dreamed of doing? Go do them.”
by Brittany Wong-Huffington Post
Nothing can fully prepare you for the ups and downs of life after divorce. Still, asking those who’ve been through the divorce process for advice can make starting over a little less stressful.
With that in mind, we asked HuffPost Divorce bloggers and readers on Facebook to share a few things they wish they had known while going through a separation. Read their best advice below.
1. “This is the time to chase your dreams or discover ones you never knew you had. Divorce is not the end of your life. No more excuses or making sacrifices at the detriment of your own desires. All those things you dreamed of doing? Go do them.” — Michelle Colon-Johnson
2. “I would tell my newly divorced self that it’s OK to feel hurt and to miss him. That doesn’t make you weak — it makes [you] stronger in the end.” — Chelsie Dort
3. “You will learn to fight that nagging sense of loneliness by re-directing your attention elsewhere. Reconnecting with your hobbies, finding new activities to do with your kids and spending loads of time with fun, loving friends will all be huge morale boosters. Also, maybe don’t date for a bit; as your very dear friend will so eloquently advise, ‘Just be off men for a bit.’”— Katie Nemar
4. “After divorce, you won’t get to see your kids every day. You will feel robbed of being a full-time father, but you have to let it go. It will hurt and make you sad, but you have to let it go. You will make the most of your new free time. You will turn this into a positive. You have to and you will.” — Bill Flanigin
5. “If you were constantly trying to prove yourself to your ex in your marriage, you’ve probably forgotten your own worth. It’s time to start remembering.”. — Lita Elizabeth Doyle
7. “Don’t doubt yourself, you did the right thing.“ — Rosalie Parker
8. “You are going to go on some really bad dates. Just enjoy them for what they are, a learning experience. There is no pressure or deadline to finding a second chance at love. Your newfound freedom will be freakin’ awesome! Enjoy it.” — Bill Flanigin
9. “Don’t think with your hormones. Think with your head. Wait until a person has become a stable fixture in your life before introducing them to your child. Kids do not need to meet everyone you feel ‘crazy’ about at first.” — Laura Lifshitz
10. “Breathe. Slow down. Ditch the timetable, as grief won’t follow it anyway. Sit with the pain. Cry. Feel all the horrible feelings. Know they will pass. You will ultimately feel better than ever before but there’s no way to the other side except through feeling the loss.” — K.C. Wilder
11. “Work on rebuilding your self-esteem, value and worth with a qualified therapist as soon as possible. It took me a long time to realize how damaging it was to have given more importance to my ex’s opinion of me than my own sense of self.“ — Patty Blue Hayes
13. “Know that you and your family (including your ex) will rebuild the world you blew up in ways you can’t even fathom. The dreary black-and-white lives you were all living will become brilliant technicolor.” — Amy Johnson
14. “I’d tell myself that divorce can be the greatest gift you’d ever imagine. The beautiful thing about splitting up in midlife is that you get to recreate your life with all the wisdom and life experience you have now. You learn so many wonderful and rich lessons about yourself and others in the process.” — Deb Besinger