How children process your divorce, and whether they have scars as a result of the divorce are things that you can help control.  Child custody research shows that conflict among parents is incredibly harmful to children.  Not the physical separation between parents, but the actual conflict.

Perhaps your spouse is telling the children about the specifics of your divorce case.  Your natural reaction would probably be to immediately correct any falsehoods, and tell your version of events.  This absolutely immerses your children in the battle between two people they deeply love.  It simply isn’t fair for the children to be thrust into the divorce like this.  While you cannot control your spouse’s actions you certainly can control your own.  There is a line in a famous country music song that says, “control your crazy.”  I think this is difficult to do when your spouse is talking about you to your children (perhaps negatively), but it is something I highly recommend you do if at all possible.

Instead of giving your narrative of events to the children simply tell them that you and your spouse are working together to make things better for them.  When your children try to bait you and ask about case tell them that is between the adults, and they shouldn’t worry about it.  You will work it out with their spouse, and things are fine.  I know that sounds really hard to do, but it will pay dividends for your children in the long run.  Additionally, if at some point in your case a child custody evaluator, a Guardian ad Litem, or the Judge speaks with your children and asks them what they know about the case you can feel confident they will not tell them they heard what is happening from you.

By: Randy W. Powers, Jr.